bertemu Deq La di Mid Valley, betapa sangat rindu pada adik perempuan yang seorang ini. berkongsi cerita dan bergosip ini-itu. semasa menunggu komuter, sempat membaca Dewan Sastera keluaran terbaru. Antara semua muka surat yang diselak seimbas, hanya cerpen Zaleha Ahmat sangat menarik perhatian untuk dibaca berulang-kali. sesekali menoleh sekeliling andai Nazim muncul. Atau mungkin aku yang duduk di platform yang silap?
Mujur tiada siapa yang menyambar buku tulisan Matthew Battles di Borders. Senyum dan lega bila staff di situ menghulurkan judul yang aku cari setelah kecewa dan sedikit cuak. kata Cleo: kau patut tambah sepasang mata lagi, tau! Mungkin kerana setiap hari aku berhadapan dengan komputer membuatkan aku jadi buta?
dan buku yang aku beli itu ternyata menggugat perasaan sekarang. aku tak sukakan perasaan ini, sungguh.
sampai waktu pulang, Nazim langsung tak muncul. tapi aku bertemu Zen yang lucu dan peramah melayan si kecil dalam kerusi sorong ketika di komuter.
i read about her and her blog. it's funny and pathethic since we were shared the same person in our life. i always want to met her, want to know her personality by myself. no, i would never get the chance. if only. i wish i can met her among crowded people. again, life is such a mystery. what if i were at her place?
sometimes, i hate myself.
try to write 'time traffic 8'. but all in my mind right now is her. so sorry, Nazim. i hope i can met you again tomorrow at KTM to discuss about the next fragment. i hope you can help me in re-write again the very first chapter of Ruang Memori. I hope i can meet Hanum also. that's all. and tomorrow as well (i means, today), i will go to Borders to buy 'Library, an unquiet history' for Laura's birthday present. tanjobi o omedeto gozaimashita!
masih ada yang berfikir untuk berhenti dari tugas kami sekarang. dan aku juga pernah berfikiran yang sama sewaktu awal bermula selepas OJA. namun kerana matlamat aku berubah seperti mana berubahnya angka pada tahun ini, tak perlu kisah dengan orang lain, tak perlu kisah dengan perkara lain lagi. dan tak perlu menyesal selepas menolak satu tawaran kerja yang memang sangat kena dengan bidang aku. jadi, maaf dr heath, mungkin saya tak akan jadi seperti anda.
asalkan aku masih lagi menulis walaupun tak pernah diterbitkan. asalkan aku masih lagi membaca buku walaupun tak berkerja dalam lingkungan pustaka. asalkan aku masih dapat bermimpi walaupun terjaga. bidang baru yang aku masuki ini mengajar banyak perkara yang aku takkan dapat belajar di mana-mana. walaupun ada masa penat dan tertekan, perasaan puas dan seronok muncul bila dapat membantu menyelesaikan masalah mereka. dan di sini juga, aku cuba melatih satu lagi kemahiran yang aku kurang: komunikasi. dan selagi kemahiran ini tak cukup tajam, aku takkan ke mana-mana. itu pasti.
semoga bulan hadapan, sesuatu yang istimewa menjelma. aku sangat perlukan inspirasi baru untuk Ruang Memori.
Now. It’s my turn to tell the story one by one. I met Laura for the first time at our kindergarten. She was with her doll named Lili, always crying whenever someone teased her. A quiet child who lived in her own world. One day, Lili was missing and she tempered for the whole day. Someone hiding Lili behind the door and she couldn’t find it. That person is me. Why? It is because I want to see if Lili is alive, maybe she will walk out when Laura calls for her. But Lili is just a doll. And to see Laura’s tantrum at that day, I feel such a happy and joy, because all the time she just silent among us.
When everyone was going home, she stayed at the kindergarten, searched for Lili. Her father, a young man with a calm face, tried to soothe her and promised that he will buy another doll. But she refused, wandered around the place to search for Lili.
“Did you leave anything?” Mama asked me.
“No, everything is in my bag.”
“Let’s go.” Mama held my hand, but then stop when I’m not moved.
“Now, what?”
“I left my pencil.”
“Go and get it. Quickly.”
So I ran passed all the children who was waiting for their parents, went inside the kindergarten and drew Lili from behind the door. I gave it to Laura who were searched inside toy’s basket and among pillows.
“There you are, Lili. Thanks, boy. Now, you can smile again.”
Her father hugged Laura and brought her outside to the red small car. I saw her pale face after lots of tears, smile gratefully towards me and suddenly I feel such a proud like I’m a hero of the story. But then, I’m the thief, am I not?
Romantic, by Rie Fu
I’m thinking of you who I miss, and yet I can’t put it into words
It’s heart-breakingly painful but I want to be close to you, still want you by my side
My bewildered heart, trembling feelings – only friendship is not excessively painful,
because that time when we were always together was fun
But I can’t always be close to you, huh? If I’m not your #1
And yet I care for you a lot – you stay in my heart
One of these days I’ll tell you that I’ve always loved you
Burning that time that made me smile onto my heart
A connection only from passing right by one another in town; this scenery of overlapping colors spreads out
Searching for a special encounter, I’ll throw around words like “fate”
I had thought loneliness was natural, I confessed to a friend
When I was resting, I’m certain a kind person was by my side
One of these days I’ll tell you what hurts me, without fear
Because having met you will heal any injury
Every time I close my eyes I see,
(in order to softly wrap up)
you reflecting through my memory
(this fleeting time I’m with you)
I just wanna be with you tonight in your arms,
(burning that time that made me smile)
oh can you hold me tight?
(onto my heart)
In order to softly wrap up this fleeting time I’m with you
(one of these days)
Burning that time that made me smile onto my heart
(that I’ve always)
Burning that time that made me smile
onto my heart
I’m thinking of you who I miss, and yet I can’t put it into words
It’s heart-breakingly painful but I want to be close to you, still want you by my side
[loves this song so much, especially the strings version when she plays piano while singing the song. i choose this song as my ringtone. love her voice as well. love everything about Rie Fu, the talented girl that i wish to be - if only i could, haha... i dedicated this song to Nazim who are now lost in maze created by me. No, Nazim, Hanum isn't there. i don't know where she is now. and she also loves this song]
bertemu dan berbual dengan seorang pemandu teksi ketika ingin ke Kelana Park View, menyedarkan sesuatu tentang masa depan sendiri. dan dari sehari ke sehari, aku mula selesa bekerja di sini. walaupun bidang yang aku pelajari di UiTM berbeza sedikit dengan apa yang aku sedang buat kini. tapi untuk mencari kerja yang lain, mungkin bukan sekarang. dan perlahan-lahan matlamat aku berubah.
selamat datang tahun baru (setelah sebulan berlalu). ada masa 6 tahun lagi dan aku menunggu...
it's hard to be a friend. like it's hard to be a foe.
just want you to know that i'm still reading your words, always and everyday.
that's all...
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